When Fernanda Fajardo discovered she was experiencing bleeding during the first semester of her pregnancy in 2014, her world shifted irrevocably. At 36 years old, expecting her first child with photographer João Linneu in São Paulo, Brazil, she confronted an uncertain journey that would push the boundaries of hope, strength and parental love. Doctors issued stark instructions: remain bedbound, avoid preparing the nursery, refrain from planning as though this pregnancy would go to term. What came next was a poignant yet difficult record of complications, premature birth and the delicate opening weeks in a neonatal intensive care unit—a story documented through João’s lens and the couple’s raw, honest memories of the events that shaped their transition to parenthood.
The Assessment That Transformed Everything
The bleeding that appeared early in Fernanda’s pregnancy shattered the traditional story of expectant motherhood. Rather than the celebratory mood typically surrounding a first child, the couple became enveloped in medical ambiguity and institutional wariness. Doctors offered no reassurance, no timeline for normalcy. Instead, they issued directives that appeared less like direction and more like a steeling themselves against potential loss. The instruction not to buy nursery furniture or infant clothing was particularly crushing—a subtle admission that this pregnancy might not advance as expected, that readying themselves emotionally and practically for Valentín’s arrival could turn out to be premature and devastating.
At 36, Fernanda was older than many first-time mothers, which may have amplified the medical complexity of her situation. Confined to bed rest, she existed in an in-between state between hope and dread, unable to move about through her home or her city, unable to engage in the rituals that typically mark pregnancy’s progression. The imposed immobility became its own form of torture—countless hours to consider what might go wrong, to grapple with fears about her body’s capacity to sustain her child, to question whether she and João would ever take their son home. The darkness of those early months was both literal and psychological, a time of seclusion marked only by medical appointments and the persistent anxiety of the unknown.
- Doctors advised the couple against purchasing baby items
- Fernanda was placed on bed rest for an extended period
- Early bleeding pointed to a complicated and high-risk pregnancy
- Becoming parents for the first time commenced amid uncertainty and fear
Separation and Peaceful Vigils
The First Hours Separated
The moment Valentín came into being, he was taken from his parents right away. João was allowed just a few moments before the actual delivery, then shown out as medical staff took their infant to the special care unit. Fernanda, still coming round from the anaesthesia of her C-section, found herself alone in a hospital passage, her body numb and immobilised, with no information about her son’s wellbeing or location. Time stretched in this suspended state—aware but bewildered, a mother kept from her son at the most critical moment of their lives, left to reflect on the delicate nature of newborn life and her own sense of helplessness.
When João was eventually permitted to rejoin Fernanda in a hospital room, it was a reunion marked by profound absence. Valentín was not there. The photographs from this moment capture something heartbreaking: a couple who should have been welcoming their newborn son instead sitting together in the stark reality of separation, their joy diminished by the knowledge that their child lay in an incubator elsewhere, fighting to survive at just 1.32 kilograms. They were unable to reach him, could not hold him, could not even set eyes on him until evening fell—hours after his birth, hours that seemed endless to parents desperate for connection with their impossibly small son.
The hospital’s strict protocols, designed to protect fragile infants, unintentionally created their own form of trauma. Fernanda and João were compelled to navigate the emotional conflict of being new parents whilst being physically separated from their child. The rules that controlled the NICU—photography restrictions, limited visiting hours, restrictions on touch—transformed what should have been a time of bonding into a series of fleeting encounters and secret photographs. The couple adapted to these limitations, developing strategies to preserve their bond across the distance that the institution had created between them and their son.
- João was permitted only minutes with Fernanda prior to birth
- Parents were kept apart from their newborn for hours after birth
- Hospital procedures limited visiting and photo access in the NICU
Experience in the Neonatal Unit
The neonatal intensive care unit became Valentín’s world in those initial days, a sterile environment of monitors, incubators and medical intervention where a premature infant’s survival hung in delicate balance. For João and Fernanda, this unit represented both hope and heartbreak—a place where their son received the specialist care he urgently required, yet where they stayed substantially separated from his daily existence. Hospital das Clínicas in São Paulo enforced rigorous procedures that prevented parental closeness, implementing restrictions intended to safeguard vulnerable infants but which also unintentionally widened the emotional distance between family members during their most vital time for connection.
Visiting hours were limited and contact was strictly controlled, changing what should have been natural parental instincts into something that necessitated permission and supervision. João and Fernanda learned to navigate this institutional landscape with resolve and perseverance, understanding intellectually that the restrictions existed for Valentín’s welfare whilst emotionally struggling with the separation. They became experts in the art of the brief opportunity—clandestine photographs captured when nurses briefly left the room, whispered conversations with medical staff, and any chance to be present in their son’s life, however constrained those moments might be.
Skin-to-Skin Contact and Respiratory Emergencies
Kangaroo care, the practice of skin-to-skin contact between parent and premature infant, offered Fernanda and João their deepest connections with Valentín. During these special times, they could keep their child against their bare chests, giving heat and solace whilst letting him listen to their heartbeats and feel their presence. Yet even these delicate interactions were fraught with anxiety and instability. Valentín’s respiratory system, yet to mature and reinforced solely by time and clinical intervention, was unpredictable. His tiny body would occasionally stop breathing, his complexion shifting to an concerning shade of purple as his oxygen levels dropped sharply.
These breathing emergencies were terrifying for parents already bearing significant psychological pressure. One moment, Fernanda could sense her son’s chest rising and falling against hers; the next, his body would become motionless, the respiratory activity ceasing entirely as if some vital switch had been deactivated. The nurses would rush in, their calm professionalism a sharp difference to the parents’ emotional distress, and Valentín and his parents would be parted again. These episodes highlighted the unstable condition of premature survival and the ongoing monitoring needed to maintain their fragile son alive.
- Valentín’s breathing apparatus remained unstable and immature during early weeks
- Skin discolouration to purple signalled dangerous drops in oxygen saturation levels
- Medical staff required immediate intervention when breathing episodes occurred
- Parents experienced emotional distress witnessing their son’s life-threatening episodes repeatedly
The Long Journey Home and Beyond
After a period confined to the neonatal intensive care unit, Valentín’s slow movement toward stability represented a pivotal moment for the family. Each day brought incremental improvements—weight gain, improved breathing regularity, the ability to maintain his own body temperature. Yet with each milestone came a sobering recognition: their son’s survival, whilst increasingly assured, had been secured at the cost of prolonged separation and mental fatigue. João and Fernanda had documented their journey through candid images and brief snatches of time, building a collection of their vulnerability. The photographs that would eventually form their project, JJ VFF VV, were never designed as artwork; they were simply their determined bid to record testimony of their son’s existence during the darkest period of their lives.
When Valentín finally came home, the transition proved surprisingly complex. The constant medical monitoring, the alarms and beeping machines that had become the backdrop to their everyday existence, were suddenly absent. The parents who had battled so hard for every moment with their son now faced the silent duty of caring for him alone. The photographs João had taken—from the lightning captured outside the hospital window to the hidden photographs of Valentín in his incubator—became far more than recollections. They embodied survival, resilience, and the profound love that had sustained them through uncertainty. In sharing their story through these images, João and Fernanda converted personal suffering into a reflection of the strength required to manage premature birth.
| Milestone | Emotional Impact |
|---|---|
| First successful skin-to-skin contact | Overwhelming joy tempered by fear of breathing episodes and forced separation |
| Reaching target weight and temperature stability | Cautious optimism mixed with anxiety about discharge and parenting alone |
| Reduction in medical interventions and monitoring | Relief and growing confidence, yet heightened awareness of fragility |
| Discharge from hospital and homecoming | Joy, accomplishment, and profound responsibility without medical support |
The project JJ VFF VV stands as a powerful testament of premature birth’s concealed emotional terrain. By transforming their individual hardship into art, João and Fernanda have given voice to countless families navigating analogous paths. Their images, shot in violation of medical protocols and despite considerable challenges, highlight that the most profound records often springs from love, desperation, and the human need to bear witness to our most fragile times.
Photography serving as Testimony
João Linneu’s choice to document his family’s experience through premature birth transformed a deeply personal crisis into a compelling creative statement. Operating within the constraints of hospital restrictions—where photography in the NICU was strictly prohibited—João documented fleeting moments that might otherwise have remained invisible. These covert photographs were not meant as mere snapshots; they served as lifelines for Fernanda, who relied on them to express milk during the long nights when she was apart from her infant son. Each photograph became an act of resistance against the isolation and helplessness that characterised their time in hospital.
The project, titled JJ VFF VV, goes beyond the boundaries of conventional medical documentation. Rather than presenting clinical facts about preterm birth, João’s lens uncovers the emotional dimension of uncertainty, fear, and unconditional love. From the storm light recorded outside the hospital window to the intimate portrait of Valentín weighing just 1.32 kilograms in his incubator, these images chronicle not merely survival but the emotional resilience required of parents confronting their child’s fragility. By sharing these photographs publicly, João and Fernanda have converted their intimate pain into a broader story that speaks to the deep fragility of early delivery.
- Undisclosed hospital pictures capturing first meetings and physical closeness moments
- Images providing healing function for parents unable to be with their seriously unwell newborn
- Visual documentation questioning institutional restrictions on family involvement and image capture